The paradox leading to Zen awakening begins, Alan Watts once said, "at the level of spirituality where the highest ideal is to be unselfish, to let go of one's self.*"
But what happens when you realize that trying to be unselfish is a selfish act?
You want to be unselfish so that others will see you for the spiritual giant you want to be. But you cannot make yourself unselfish by force of will.
As Watts said: "You can't be unselfish by a decision of the will any more than you can decide not to think of a green elephant."
He goes on to explain that this is the common dilemma faced by students when the Zen master asks: "Show me your true self?"
Students are faced with the impossibility of doing what they came to the Zen master hoping to learn to do. The students came seeking their true unselfish self. And now in the midst of Zen training, that true self fails to show up for class.
As Watts explained "...the student finds that there is absolutely no way of being his true self ... "
This is the moment when the impossibility of an answer becomes the answer.
Watts asks: "What does that mean if I can't do the right thing by doing and if I can't do the right thing by not doing?"
Then Watts answers his own question.
"There is no independent self to be produced. There's no way at all of showing it because it isn't there."
And this is Zen-style good news.
"You recover from the illusion," Watts said. "You discover that what you are is no longer this isolated center of action and experience locked up in your skin. The teacher has asked you to produce that thing [the self you call your own] and show it to him genuine and naked. And you couldn't find it. So it isn't there. And when you see clearly that it isn't there you have a new sense of identity. You realize that what you are is ... the whole world of nature."
* Alan Watts quotes are based on notes I made from a Podcast titled "Intro to Zen 4 of 4" at the Alan Watts Podcast Website.
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